Almost every week, another story emerges. A pastor, a ministry leader, a man we respected, and the word that follows is “fallen.” We know what happens next. There is an announcement. He is removed from his role. And then, for the most part, he disappears.
In a recent episode of the No Regrets Podcast, Albo and Nate talked about what happens after such an announcement. Here are the main ideas, with a few questions for your leadership team.
Forgiveness is the beginning, not the end.
We tend to treat forgiveness as the finish line. In reality, it is the start of a restoration journey with three levels: restoration to God, which is non-negotiable; restoration to community, the people he fell from; and restoration to mission, which is the most conditional.
Men often get these out of order. Many are welcomed back into community while their relationship with God is still in pieces, because no one thought to ask, “How are you connecting with God right now?”
Question: When a man confesses sin, what is your process for helping him get restored to God before anything else?
Pro Tip: Look for true repentance, not just remorse. The marker is a man who recognizes he began drifting from God long before the action came to light.
Watch yourself.
Galatians 6:1 tells us to restore a man caught in sin gently, but adds a warning: “watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”
Two temptations hit the rest of us every time a leader falls. The first is to hide. If the only narrative we know is a one-way street with no return, a man carrying a secret sin stuffs it down deeper. The second is to compare. “He slept with someone. I only flirted over text.” Comparison replaces Christ as the standard with another man’s failures.
Question: How does the way your church handles a fallen leader shape what your men do with their own hidden struggles?
Restoration has ingredients.
In John 21, Jesus asks Peter, “Do you love me?” (restoration to God), “more than these?” (restoration to community), and then says, “Feed my sheep” (restoration to mission). Here are the ingredients for walking a man down that same pathway.
A restoration community. Five to nine safe people who commit to meet with him regularly for the whole journey. No victims of his failure, or anyone closely tied to one.
A sabbath from his role. Not “stepping down,” but resting so the soul work can happen. Sabbath says this is temporary and purposeful.
Time measured by stage, not calendar. As long as a man is asking “When can I go back?” he is not ready. Readiness shows up when he has let go of the mission and turned to his heart.
Lament, in both directions. He laments before his friends where his sin has taken him. Then they lament before him what it has cost them. It sounds scary, and it is. But once the people closest to him have named the hard things out loud, the fear of gossip loses its grip.
A restoration party. A public celebration where the community declares, “If the Lord has forgiven him, who are we to hold condemnation against him?”
Question: Which of these ingredients could your church realistically put in place in the next year?
Why it is worth the mess.
This process is hard, and some men do not make it to the end. But for those who do, it is like hearing shackles fall. Couples have said their marriage is stronger than before the failure. And in a world starving for grace and truth together, a church that does even a half-hearted version of this will stand out, because almost no one is doing it.
Watch the full episode.
There is much more in the conversation, including how a fully restored Peter became the bold preacher of Acts 2. Watch the full episode here.
Join us for Forming Men in Christ.
On Saturday, September 26, No Regrets and Elmbrook Church are hosting Forming Men in Christ, a morning event for men 16 and up on sexual integrity. It is not for men who have “issues.” It is for all of us. Albo will be speaking on restoration for men who have experienced sexual moral failure.
If your church is committed to helping men, send your men.
Register Now
