Many of you resonated with the principles Steve shared last month as he reflected on decades of ministry with men. In this month’s leadership article, Steve expands on those ideas—inviting us into the journey that shaped them and the lessons God has taught him over 37 years.
Back in the late ’80s, I had been doing college-age ministry at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wisconsin for six years. Over those years, the ministry had really grown—to the point where we had hundreds of students involved. By then, Colleen and I had four kids of our own.
I was tired of student ministry, having done five years of high school ministry before that. I was tired of pizza parties, bus trips, retreats, and late-night discussions. So I went to my boss, Stuart Briscoe, and asked him to let me do something different. I said, “I’ll do evangelism, assimilation, missions, or prayer ministry.”
A month later, he came back and asked me to do men’s ministry.
I said, “That was not on my list! What do I do with men? I have never worked with a man in my life.”
His response was, “Just do the same thing you’ve been doing with the college kids—just try to act a little more mature!”
For the past 37 years, that is exactly what I’ve been doing—and a herd of wild horses couldn’t drag me away from it.
Over the past 37 years, I’ve had the incredible privilege of ministering to men in over 50 countries, seeing men come to Jesus and have their lives transformed by Jesus. As I transition from being the Executive Director of No Regrets Men’s Ministry into a part-time role—speaking at men’s events, training leaders, and writing—I thought it would be helpful to share a few lessons I’ve learned along the way.
Lessons Learned About Ministering to Men
- What we are doing matters.
When you minister to men, you will witness lives transformed, addictions broken, marriages healed, relationships restored, and men freed from their past. Men will discover their purpose and be unleashed to do good in the world. What we are doing changes a man’s trajectory for eternity. - Become friends and change the world together.
Christianity is not a solo sport; it’s a team sport. There is nothing better than being on a team that wants to make a difference—one man at a time. The most effective ministry is one based on teams. Talent may win games, but teams win championships. - Have a big enough vision to think small.
Jesus was never enamored with numbers, but with the few. Ministry to men is life-on-life over the long haul. Our being here proves that Jesus’ strategy worked. Find a few men and invest in them deeply. More time spent with fewer people leads to greater impact for Christ. - Prayer is the frontline of the battle.
The walls around men’s hearts are high and thick. They will not fall through better strategy, social posts, or slick websites—but through prayer. Ministry to men only moves forward as it moves forward on its knees. - Lead with humility, listening, and service.
We come alongside men to listen to them, walk with them, pray for them, and serve them. A leader of men is a listener, with the intent to understand, encourage, and empower them to become all that God desires them to be. - Be the example.
The greatest gift you can give your family, work, and ministry is your personal holiness. Men are looking for an example of what it means to follow Jesus as a husband, father, worker, friend, and influencer of society. Let your life speak so loudly they don’t hear your words. Yes—character does matter. - Let God break your heart.
Pray for a vision for the men of your church and community—and a passion to reach them for Jesus, root them in Jesus, and release them for Kingdom purpose. You’ll never lighten the load of a man until you feel the pressure on your soul. Your brokenness will fuel your passion to minister to men when it gets hard. - Use the Word.
Scripture is our playbook for ministry to men. We use it to comfort, encourage, teach, equip, and counsel men. The promise we have in God’s Word is that it will never return void. - Catch and release.
Our role is to help men catch a vision for what God wants to do in and through them—and then release them to do it. Every man in your church is a starter somewhere; we have to help him discover his role and then get him out of the pews and into the game. - Meet with a purpose.
Ministry to men is all about relationships. Jesus did not invite the disciples to a program, but into a relationship. A “meeting with a purpose” is time you set up to meet with another man—generally over a meal—with the purpose of encouraging him in his journey of faith, no matter where he is in it.
While there are many more things I could share (and will share at another time), these are a few critical lessons for working with men. Over the next few months, we are going to develop a video series that will outline each of these more fully—so stay tuned. This old guy is not done yet.
If I can be of any help to you and your church in the future as you seek to develop an intentional plan to disciple your men, just let me know.
For the Cause that Counts,
Steve
